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Aphrodite Wimple

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[04 Jan 2008|09:01pm]
APHRODITE WIMPLE COMMENTS ON…
Hogwarts' Ugliest People
(Journal Owner’s Exclusive)

  1. Crabbe and Goyle.  Slytherin comrades they may me, but attractive they are not.  The fact of their matter is that their parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents should have been eliminated from good breeding.  Unfortunately, they still exist to this day, and we have to deal with them.  Ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts, I say we all take a pledge.  A pledge never, ever to allow Crabbe and Goyle to breed.  All who's with me, say "Hear, hear!"
  2. Luna Lovegood.  The googley eyes of a Snorkack?  Check.  Hair infested with nargles?  Check.  Completely vacant expression?  Check.  Utterly hideous and not worthy of life?  Definintely check.
  3. Alistair Urquhart.  As well as being sallow, sunken, and resembling a gargoyle, he also happens to smell like an unbathed hippogriff.
  4. Terry Boot.  Awkward-looking.  Poor hygiene.  Terrible hair.  Need I say more?
  5. Eloise Midgen.  Improved skincare is not enough to make up for the fact that it looks as though she had her face punched in while she was in utero.
  6. Mei Chang.  The second-rate version of her  utterly overrated sister, whose bangs are a terrible excuse for a cute haircut.
  7. Anthony Goldstein.  His hair is an offense against nature, and I find the fact that so many people want to touch it repulsive.  I'm currently investigating the possibility of it having hypnotic powers that make people like him.
  8. Lucy McCormack.  Oddly squashed face.  Likely fake blonde hair.  Promiscuous attitude despite absolutely no sexual appeal?  McCormack may be a Loose Lucy, but she's hardly deserving of anyone's attentions.
  9. Andrew Kirke.  With a dweeby appearance and terribly spiked hair that looks like it lost a fight with a bottle of Sleezeaky's, Mr. Kirke would be better off giving up and ceasing all feeble attempts to unlock the shackles of his virginity.
  10. Ginny Weasley.  If you kiss her, you may catch the skin-eating disease that causes her freckles.
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